When you tell me that I am a waste of time when I do nothing for the day or that I need to have a job to get ready to move to the city and if i do not get one I am not going to get any where in life.
as if you know any thing how to live my life. you may act like you can tell me what to do but the ting is you do not control me. no one controls me or my life but me. This is my life and if i want to sit down and talk to my friends i will. you might not like but i do not care. I have a plan no matter how big or small it might seem to you but to me its a pretty good damn plan.
Now fuck off!

I love Teshra with all my heart and if you say any thing bad about her once more I will make your life hell!!! She might be stuck right now but that does not mean that she is going to be like this the rest off her life. she needs time to think things through be for she makes any rash decisions like moving back to the city or if she wants to stay in Petaluma.

Dont judge me because I opened up to you and told you some of my feelings about the world, my crush on a boy that might not like me back, my family problems, or my dreams.
I might not the biggest dreams in the world but to me they are perfect! All I want to do in life is move to the city get a small job that can pay some of my bills, buy a nice camera and take photos of things that mean something to me and such, meet some sick ass people, find a man for myself, get a ferret, buy a bike, shop on one day for cloths that cost way to much just for the fun of it, take a bike ride around the usa and much much more. after that I want to turn myself in so that I can move on with my life and get a real job and start to live life to the fullest. So dont shit on my dreams because you feel as if I want to little from myself.

I am not here in this world to please you.

I am my own person

So my last post was all happy and shit but this time its not as nice.

I do not like where I live any more because the people (the woman) that I live with freaks out about how there are dishes in sink and that no one is doing them or that how she thinks Im playing her for her money when I have not asked her for a dime unless I need money for the bus.
There was this one night where she got so mad that she bought candy and I eat some and she said I need to stop using her and that I need to get a job fixing computers on Crag'sList.com and that I am going to be doing something with my life and not just sitting here doing nothing with my life.
So when she told me that I need to do something with my life I took it to heart because I already thought that I was doing something with my life and that was to live it with out being controlled by crazy people(who run group homes) and to have a job even though I work very little now but still make enough money to support my self and buy the things that I wanted, and to have fun in life witch I really truly am But I Guess That Is Not Good Enough For Her!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just got home and she is already yelling at me about how I need to shut my door to my room witch I do, I need to do the dishes if there are dishes in the sink, witch I do with my friend (holly who is her daughter) and how I need to keep the house clean and my room witch also I already do. I think that she is just bitching to bitch because she is so bored with her life...........


Ah I hate complaining about shit but she is making me want to sleep under a bridge. I do not like dealing with people like her. I have enough stress of my own and I don't need to deal with some one else bull shit drama over dishes and doors.


well im going to go...

So for the past week or so I have not been scared about getting arrested or anything like that in any sort.
I have been so happy with my new life and all I want to do is be me and live my life the way I want to live with out getting into any trouble and so far I have been able to do that and I love it. I feel like a Human being. I can not believe how far I have gotten in life with all the problems that I have gone through in the past. At times I think that if some one was in my shoes they would shrivel up and kill them self but yet some how I look pat it all as if it does not matter and that is has only mad me stronger and that nothing can bring me down.

I see that I have a lot of things that a lot of other kids don't have and I have began to enjoy what I already have not become selfish as of in the past....... For gods sakes Im homeless but yet I have a home to go to every night with food for me to eat and a room for me to decompose and think about shit with out any one staring at me. I have my music and it means the world to me. My friends are becoming closer and closer and I love it but also there are some that are drifting off in their own world of spoiledness and are becoming blind of what really matters and that is your friends are every thing and if you treat them like shit they will leave you and you will be alone.....


I hung out with Sean today and it was really nice. We talked about random shit and a little about what we both want to do in life and Sean is still stuck in the fog but I am helping him get out of it and guide him to where every his heart leads. I just hope that one day he will want me to be apart of his life as I do for him to be in mine. I can only hope and keep on flirting small amounts as I already do.

Teshara has become EMO and it really pisses me off because she used to be the happiest person ever and now she is saying that it was a mask and I want to help her so I am going to make her live with me for a week and bring out the old Teshara out and make her happier then ever. I have the power to do so and I will use it!!!!!!!!

I'm starting to become very artsy farty and I love it to death. Its not much but its something. It might not be my art but its the idea that counts right? Right, so who cares.

I cant wait to become an adult and get to work at a cell phone store like I have always wanted!!!!

I love my life even though its not much in the eyes of others but to me it means every thing and if any thing gets in my way I well bring it or them down as I have before in the past.


Ok well thats it for now.
TTYL

It really sucked because my friend Krista really wanted to do it and she did not know how to pierces it and that scared me but I did not want to piss her off cause she gets pissed over the smallest things and she needs that practice so i let her do it.

The feeling of getting it done felt as if my face ripped and had a whole new space of the size of a thumb was now there and it was really weird. I thought that she stabbed my teeth and I did not know what to think.
It felt like a pocket and that I could store food in there.

now the piercing is very annoying right now because I need to put the ball on the ring and it is very difficult to do but Ill get it done.





Oh I talk to the guy I like for two hours last night and I really enjoyed it!!!! We have gotten a lot closer now because we talked about each others secrets and pasts. It made me feel like I am starting something with him but in a very small way.
Maybe someday we will get together. Who knows what tomorrow brings us.
Sean really likes talking to me now and he likes to know my past and he is finding out that I have been through a lot of shit that he knows that he would never be able to go through if he was put through it as I have so he respects me more sense I'm such a happy go getting person.
I think that I might want to be with this boy for the rest of my life<3

My Best friend Teshara is being really emo and I want to smack her!!!!
She has a reason to be and if what has happened to her happened to me I know that I would be emo to but I want to get her out of that state. She dyed her hair black and I want to rip off her hair because she used to has the prettiest blond/rainbow hair that I have ever seen in my life.
I will try my best to bring her out of this god for sanken state and make her fall back in love with life once again.

I came back home today and I wanted to run away to the park because every one was so angry at each other and was about to kill each other as well.
I hate being in places where people are so mad at each other. It reminds me of my old life and it hurts and I just never want to be in a place like that again.
I know that I will be in some state of place like that once in awhile but my heart cant take the pain that it once was put through and all I need is to repair it slowly by being around happiness and people that I love.

In three days I am going to start running on the tred mell for two hours at a time so that I can have a way to stay in shape. I cant wait sense I have been eating my heart out and have gained eight ugly pounds :(
I should loose the eight pounds in two weeks and after that I should be loosing some more wieght so that Im one fourty two in December. I cant wait to be sexy again.
maybe I'll have enough sexieness to tell Sean how I feel about him. (HAHAHA NOT!)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~PLANS~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
My rat has gotten bigger and I have gaged my ears to Fours and I want to get them to Zeros by December 12th. I plan to move to the city (San Francisco) on February with Teshara and when I do I want to get my freedom tattoo, tell Sean how I feel about him, get a bike, get a small job(something that pays me something in money), talk to my aunt and mom, have a sick ass hair cut that shows off my personality about me, get my piercing, make new friends, GET A FUCKING DIGITAL CAMERA THAT HAS A 10MP+ LENSE!!!!!!
Last but not least become something in this world.

Ok so I have been home for the past three days and I think Im going stir crazy.
I need something to do with my days of freedom. I need to make some new friends so that I dont go crazy being bored all day in side the house. but still thats not just it. I need to go out for walks, go shopping, play with my rat, ect. I need to do more then just lay on the couch and go on myspace.
oh what fun. I need to adjust to my new slower life.
its going to be hard but i know that i can do it.

Ill just start by going out and just hanging out side more often

I love this boy that I have known and been friends with for the past three years.
He does not know that I like him in this way that I do and Im scared to tell him.
He is very shy and does not like to talk a lot but lately he likes to talk to me every day by texting me and by messaging me on myspace.

He says that he is not ready for a relationship nor is he sure if he will ever be sense he is confused with his sexuality. He is does not like guys nor does he like girls. He says he is like a snail. But me and some friends think that he will soon become gay. I don't want to push him and I don't want to freak him out. He means so much to me and he knows it.

I really like this boy and I cant think of liking him so much. I hope that it does not show.

I really just want him to be happy with his life so I try my best to help him out as much as possible to my abilities...



Ok well Im done for now.

Love Garrett